90 minutes of running = 10 minutes of writing

Wow! The thoughts that come up after a long run. A run long enough that I don't focus on my pace. I don't think about the day to come, how I will feel in another 10 minutes, what is for dinner tonight. I can stay present, thinking only about how I feel right then, looking around me, marveling at my ability, and sometimes sucking in air and wishing the present hill would come to an end. But it is what happens after the run also that is so interesting. As soon as I stop my mind is flooded with thoughts of possibilities, what I want to do, amazement of what I just accomplished, feelings for others, how they have shaped my life. I smile at the end of a run, because it was my run, whether it was fast or slow, easy or hard. There is no judging by anyone but myself. This is part of the reason I love the independence of running, biking and triathlon. I don't have to rely on anyone else to accomplish my goal, and I don't have to worry about letting anyone else down. Although I am learning that playing with others is fun too. Accepting help becomes easier. Yes, I can put my bike on my car all by my big girl self and have done so a million times. But if a friend wants to hold up the straps as I lift the bike on the car, that is what he wants to do, why in the world should that bother me. It no longer does. I love the person that I have grown to be. Not just the athlete, but the entire person. Who knew that 90 minutes of running would ever evoke 10 minutes of writing. Bring it on, and never let it stop!

I'm fascinated. I'm ready to run. I want more. I want to learn. I feel like a kid on my first day of school. I feel like a dry sponge ready to soak up every bit of knowledge, sunset, mountain top, bit of time, and precious moment. But it is time for bed. I will have to dream of how perfect my run will be tomorrow morning. Crisp cool air, clear blue sky with a classic sunrise.

A night off and a house to myself

Bliss. Complete and total bliss. I didn't have to work at the winery tonight, my sister was at a concert until late, and my boyfriend was not feeling well. Sis, I love you but thanks for leaving the house. Boyfriend, you are my ultimate, and I am sorry your back hurts, but I am happy to be alone tonight.

Tonight I went to the store and slowly perused all the fresh foods. What jumps out to me, calls my name, begs to be eaten and not frozen. Fresh food, only enough for one night. Something just for me. Nothing guilty, just for me. No desire to stuff myself, just enjoy the food by myself. No recipes, just whatever looks good together. Fresh fish, vegetables, and fruit for dessert.

First thing at home was to walk the dogs. Let me wind down and get the dogs out. They were happy. Their heads whipped back and forth looking at the robins patrolling the grass for bugs. We walked past wafting smells of barbques being used for the first time this year, and many lawns that had been mowed for the first time. The wind was quiet for the first time in several days. The evening sky was clear despite the forecast of two days rain.

Back at home the dogs got fed first. No point in interrupting a quiet evening of cooking with hungry dogs. I began to cook with leisure. No rush, no hurry, nobody to get in the way of. The vegetables sizzle, the pasta boils, and the fish sears. The smell of the herbs in the vegetables and the seasoning on the fish was intoxicating. I have discovered a love for making a bloody mary. The thickness of the tomato juice, plenty of spice and lots of olives and pickles. So many tasty combinations. So I came up with one while the food was finishing. I plated my food and looked at the masterpiece I had created. Brilliant, and all without a recipe.

I ate quietly. Admittedly I ate in front of the TV. But I am able to tune the TV out and concentrate on my creation. I ate slowly and deliberately. I enjoyed the flavor, aroma, texture and sensations that the food created. My food, my creation. No one else to comment, no one to please. Just me and my contentment. Even the dogs were quiet for me. They must have known my need for peace and stillness.

A Week Worth Learning From

A week off. Well, my definition of off. I did not run, bike or swim once in 7 straight days. I did do yoga, play basketball, lift weights, hike, walk the dogs, do my taxes, pick up the yard, post items on ebay and craigs list, have coffee with a friend, have breakfast with a friend, spend time with my sister, celebrate my mom's birthday, go out to eat, cook amazingly tasty food, spend too much time on facebook.

I took deep breaths and got on the scale every day still with my eyes shut. Overall I gained a whole entire whopping pound. Interesting. I couldn't just do nothing however, I still had to move. But moving became just doing and accomplishing. I was tired from doing "nothing." I expected to not be able to fall asleep. On the contrary I probably slept better.

I made time to go hiking with Dreamer! What a treat that was. I didn't even wuss out from the cold. I am so glad I didn't. What a gorgeous day. The clouds did not disappoint. We were in them, above them and below them. While all of Denver was engulfed in clouds we were hiking above them. At the peak we looked down on a cloudy Denver at a beautiful sunny cloudscape. I was in awe at the stretch of hogback ridge running north and south. It looks like the Loch Ness Monster with bits of it's body in and out of the water. I was so grateful to be able to have had such a gorgeous day with such an amazing friend.

But the week is over and I was back to running and biking today. I rode out to Morrison and Red Rocks to revisit my playground from yesterday. This may possibly be my new found love. I rode it with a new found appreciation today though.

My playground is vast.

Woman in the mirror

I saw a woman at the gym today admiring herself in the mirror. She didn't know I was watching otherwise I am sure she would have stopped. She walked into the locker room and set her things down. Before taking off her sweatshirt she looked at her face. She scrunched up her nose and furrowed her brow making the lines in her face more pronounced. She did not smile, she did not frown and her eyes were dull. I watched as she took her sweatshirt off and hung it in a locker. As she caught a new glance of herself in the mirror her eyes became bright. She stood back from the mirror, turned around and looked over her shoulder. The muscles in her shoulders were pronounced without even flexing. Her shirt that had risen up above the rise of her pants shown a firm belly. Her butt had a strong curve to it. She looked at herself as a whole. She liked what she saw. Strength, beauty, a conqueror. I admired a woman in the mirror today.

Slowcooker cherry pistachio pork loin

And now for your mouth watering pleasure...tonight I made a pork loin in the slow cooker with celery, onions, dried tart cherries and pomegranate cherry juice. Along side it I made camembert mashed potatoes and a quick beer bread. All of it was cohesively pulled together with the remainder of the beer in a lovely water glass!

Point A to Point B

I have a clear picture of what point A and point B look like. I know what I want to happen at each point. Getting from A to B can be an unclear, inconvenient, frazzled mess. Everything inbetween the two points is like gray matter. Completely necessary, but unidentifiable.

Today I had several clear things on my agenda. I was going to have breakfast, then go to yoga, then go grocery shopping, get dinner in the crock pot, go to lunch, walk the dogs, then go to the coffee shop and work on the GOTR event, then Callie was meeting me at the coffee shop for catch up time, then I would go home and finish making dinner. Pretty simple, right. I would go from one event to the next. The problem is all I can focus on is the event itself, and everything inbetween each event is inconvenient but necessary.

For example. After the grocery store I still had to drive home, get the groceries out of the car, let the dogs out, unpack the groceries, and print out the dinner recipe all before I could begin getting anything in the crock pot. I was so focused on getting to the crock pot that just getting groceries out of the car and put away was a burden. I thought it was taking an eternity to get from the grocery store (point A) to the crock pot (point B), when in reality it was maybe 10 minutes. By the time I was actually cooking, I could hardly remember the gray matter. All I cared about was that I was finally doing the next task.

That is my mind. That is the mind of someone who doesn't appreciate the current state. Just driving home can be peaceful and is purposeful. But no, I just want to get to the crock pot!

Yesterday Dad and I had our first ride with a group since last fall. I have had my bike off the trainer only a handful of times this year and this was Dad's first outing. It was a cloudy day, but we didn't care. We were outside and in the company of other riders. There was so much chatter about what everyone had been doing in the offseason, the upcoming season, the Triple Bypass. It was good to see familiar faces. I looked around and saw several new women. One by one I started sizing them up. Yep, I can pick off the leggy blonde riding with her husband. He is obviously the strong one. Oh heck yes I can whip the brunette with long braided pigtails. She has more clothes on than I do and a visor on her helmet...wuss. But wait, the chic with the white jersey talking confidently to the compact little dude, not so sure about her. Sure enough, she passed me more than once. It was a great ride, and Dad and I stayed together for most of it. I could feel the extra poundage holding me back a bit, especially when a group of ten would whip by and I just couldn't hold on. No worries...leggy blonde and brunette pigtails stayed long behind me. White jersey chic however...I have a ways to go this season before I will be able to keep up with her or the big boys. That will be a fun carrot to chase!

Every week I tell myself, maybe next week I will take it easy. And at the end of every week I say, phew, made it thru that, next week is going to be killer! Well yesterday I told myself I was going to force and allow myself to take the week off. There is a difference between force and allow, and I have to do both. The most important one is to allow. No guilt, no failure. If I had woken up this morning and decided I didn't feel like working out today, or that I was going to take it easy today, I would have felt guilty and like a failure all day. But instead I woke up and felt free. Not relief, because I would gladly have run and biked as usual if I had told myself to. But I now had an extra two hours on my hands today. Actually more like three hours since I can count on an extra hour of getting ready for two hours of running and biking. I was able to go to yoga and be there for the entire hour without thinking about the upcoming bike and run that I HAD to do. I have no idea what this week holds for workouts...wait a minute, yes I do...yoga, pilates, and perhaps a hike with DRMR. There is a very good chance however, that I will not put on swimming goggles, tighten down my helmet or lace up my running shoes!